I know you’re worried about me, love, and I’m sorry for what I’m putting you through. I guess I should have known that dying wouldn’t be fun, but I was so focused on the result that I forgot about the process.
My taste buds are completely broken now. I have no idea if the food I give you is edible because everything turns to ashes in my mouth. You don’t seem to mind it, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
“Mama is hurting? Kiss it better?”
Sweetheart, it might not get rid of the pain but it certainly makes my heart feel better.
I tried to explain what was happening to me, but I think you got the wrong idea. I told you that I was becoming ‘like Caleb’, and you seemed to think that meant I was going to spike my hair. I looked ridiculous for the rest of the day (just as a side note, dish soap doesn’t work very well as hair gel), but it made me laugh.
It’s a pity that laughing makes me sicker. I know you were standing outside of the bathroom door.
My skin is turning cold, I can’t keep food down any more and I’m in constant pain. I do try to keep quiet at night – growing girls need sleep, after all. Sometimes you sit on my bed and stroke my hair, singing quietly.
I love you, Panda.
This will all be worth it in the end. Death is only the beginning for me.
A/N Only a short chapter today, I’m afraid, but plenty will be happening in the next!